Only because it's still so raw and real.

You know when you are riding a fast car, fast enough so you can fly away? When your hair is whipping your face, sticking to your lip gloss and combing your lashes? When your ears are bleeding happiness under the thunder of a haunting melody? When you feel the car wheels roaring with excitement?
Well, if I had to pick a memory to relive over and over again, that is the one I’d chose.

If I had to pick a memory… If memory had to pick me…

They say consciousness is the ultimate movement of the universe itself, but what is consciousness without the power to remember, to journey splinters of the past into the present? And how to immerse ourselves in the womb of reality that consciousness carries without strolling down memory lane where resides our extensive vocabulary and knowledge of language; the tremendous and unique variety of facts we have amassed; all the skills we have learned, from walking and talking to musical and athletic performance; many of the emotions we feel; and the continuous sensations, feelings, and understandings of the world?

Consciousness is saying I see. I taste. I listen. I touch. I feel. I am.
Memory is saying I was, maybe still am or not.
Memory allows comparing the past to the present, the bitterness of the past to the sweetness of the present or the other way round.
But memory, unleashed, can be like sleeping with the enemy.

Memory, this double edged weapon that invades the mind that can lead to live in the futile bubbles of fantasy.
Haven’t we all been the victims of an addiction to a certain memory, reliving it over and over again building cities out of our emotions and towers of lies crumbled over empires of illusions?
Haven’t we all once experienced the sudden return of an unwanted infectious memory buried deep into our soul that shook demons out of us?

The reminders still take me… To the infernos of it all.
But when the fractures of the past arouse in the present, it's not because they want something from you it's because you want something from them.
So,
Why does my heart go on stuttering?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Why do these ears of mine go on bleeding?
Why does this mind of mine go on spiraling?
Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?
Why am I wired this way?
Doesn't the universe know it's all leading to the end of my world?
The universe and I once were one.
The universe and I split.



SN